


Death's Gonna Come (Sometime Soon)

by aye_of_newt



Series: Whizzer Brown is Going to Die [2]
Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Angst, Can't we wait til Whizzer gets better?, Extremely brief allusions to past violence, Frank description of what a dying person looks like, Gen, HIV/AIDS, I (and Marvin) got really angry about the world, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, It's really sad and got darker than I meant?, M/M, Reading part one isn't necessary, Some swearing if that bothers you, Son of Marvin, Son of Whizzer, Talking to a child about death, Whizzer is dying, but not used against anyone directly, if that makes sense, it's just Marvin thinking about how the world treats him and Whizzer, like one sentence that mentions bruises, no, the q word used in a negative sense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:02:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22422286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aye_of_newt/pseuds/aye_of_newt
Summary: Whizzer and Marvin tell Jason the truth.They can't wait to have the bar mitzvah until Whizzer gets better because he is going to die.
Relationships: Jason & Marvin (Falsettos), Jason & Whizzer Brown, Whizzer Brown/Marvin
Series: Whizzer Brown is Going to Die [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1613623
Comments: 19
Kudos: 51





	Death's Gonna Come (Sometime Soon)

**Author's Note:**

> This was written to complement Whizzer and Trina Talk it Out but it is not necessary to have read that one first.

"Hey, Jason."

"Hey, Whizzer." Jason hesitated, examining him quickly. It seemed like Whizzer had somehow gotten skinnier since the last time Jason had seen him just a few days before, which he hadn't thought was possible. Whizzer's skin was like tissue paper, cracking dry and so thin it was nearly translucent, stretched tight against his ever more present skeleton, like his bones had grown too large and sharp to be contained any longer, while his veins showed blue and purple underneath its pallor. He was nearly indistinguishable from the stark white bandages covering the lesions that had blossomed like bruises across his limbs almost two weeks ago. Whizzer looked horrible, but Jason had been told off the last time he'd said as much, so he didn't say anything more.

"How was school?" Whizzer asked lightly, as if nothing was wrong and Marvin was just bringing Jason home for their usual weekend together. They came to sit by his bed and Marvin took Whizzer's hand briefly, passing his thumb over his knuckles in a comforting gesture. 

"Boring," Jason answered flatly. "We're learning about the Industrial Revolution." He made a face and Whizzer laughed.

"Sounds dull but probably important, right Marv?"

"Hmm? Oh, right." Marvin forced himself to tune back into the conversation, pushing his thoughts about the way Whizzer's breathing sounded too strained away for the moment. 

Jason rolled his eyes at his father's distraction and turned back to Whizzer. " _Hebrew school_ is more interesting."

"Do you like Hebrew school?" Whizzer asked, eyebrows raised. 

"Eh," Jason shrugged, "Parts of it."

"Well, show me what you're learning," Whizzer prompted. 

Jason shook his head, smiling smugly. "Nope, you have to be at the bar mitzvah to listen to it."

Whizzer's smile crumpled and he and Marvin exchanged looks, whatever remnants of normal life that existed within the sterile room gone. "Jason," Marvin started calmly, "we talked about this, remember? Whizzer isn't going to be able to come to the bar mitzvah."

Jason scowled. "And I told Mom and Mendel that I wanted to wait to have it until Whizzer could come." He glared between them stubbornly. Marvin squeezed his eyes shut and lowered his head for a moment while Whizzer glanced up at the ceiling, blinking quickly. The dark sickly feeling that Jason sometimes got in his stomach when he saw how worn down Whizzer looked or when he heard the way the adults would dance around the subject of the illness came creeping back. 

"Jason," Whizzer started carefully, looking back towards him, "I want you to have your bar mitzvah on time ok? You can't...wait for me to get better." 

"I don't care if I have to have it late. I don't care if I'm fourteen or sixteen or twenty-seven! I just want everyone to be there and—" 

"Jason, honey, I know and that's very sweet but—" 

"But that's what I want! Why does everyone keep saying that my bar mitzvah is about me but all they do is make all the decisions themselves and no one listens to what I want! And no will ever explain anything that's happening because they think I'm just a kid but I'm getting bar mitzvahed and that's supposed to mean that I'm an adult!" Jason ignored his feeling that shouting made him seem childish as he crossed his arms angrily. 

"Jason, just listen, okay? Please?" Whizzer asked quietly as he reached out to take one of Jason's balled up fists. He waited until Jason's clenched fingers softened to slide their palms together. "I'm going to explain it to you, ok? You're right, you deserve to know what's really going on."

The sick feeling was almost overwhelming. No one had used such serious faces and weird hand-holding since his parents told him about the divorce.

"Ok," Jason whispered.

Whizzer nodded and took a moment to collect himself. "Jason, you can't wait until I get better to have the bar mitzvah because I— " the words stuck in Whizzer's throat, which was suddenly so very dry. "Because I'm not going to get better. I'm– I'm going to die, Jason."

Marvin quickly drew Jason into a sideways hug while he placed his free hand on Whizzer's arm. Jason stared at Whizzer, not saying anything for a moment. 

"What?" Jason sounded suddenly so very young as he stared from Whizzer to Marvin in confusion. "But, but, Dr. Charlotte –." He pulled away from Whizzer and Marvin, drawing into himself. 

"She's doing everything that she can, Jason but–"

"Then you just have to wait a little longer! She's going to help you!" Jason stood, shaking off Marvin's attempts to comfort him. 

"Jason, kiddo, you have to calm down and–" Marvin tried to speak but Whizzer took his hand and silenced him with a glance. 

"Jason," Whizzer began again, "Dr. Charlotte is doing everything she can, but she doesn't know what the problem really is. No one does. This illness is... something new that doctors don't understand yet."

“I thought they said you had cancer? Ronny Williams’ grandma had cancer and she got better. You could still get better!”

“It's not that easy, Jason—”

“You’re getting treated right? So, so how do you know that—” Jason was running out of excuses but couldn’t stop protesting because that would make it real. 

“It’s a new type of cancer that they haven’t really seen before," Whizzer told him gently, “and it is causing some problems. Like the marks on my arms." He gestured to the bandages. "But the real problem is that my immune system isn’t working the way it’s supposed to, so I can’t fight off illness like someone else might be able to. And it seems like the cancer is...related to it somehow. It’s...all very confusing and that’s the part that the doctor’s don’t understand.”

"But if no one understands it, then how do you know you're going to die? You could get better next week! Everyone keeps saying that you're looking better and that you're going to be okay!" 

Whizzer looked at him calmly. "You haven't, Jason. You told me I looked awful," Whizzer held to a hand to stop Jason from trying to apologize, "which was true. Even when all of us adults were trying to pretend that it was all okay, you saw the truth, Jason. I always knew you were a smart kid." Even smiling, Whizzer looked half-dead already but Jason couldn't accept it. 

"I didn’t– I didn't think you were going to die! I just thought that everyone was being too polite like adults are sometimes. They could still find the cure–"

"I'm sure–" Whizzer's voice broke and he took a moment to collect himself before saying, "I'm sure that there is a cure. Somewhere. And they will find it, someday. But," Whizzer paused for breath again and Marvin felt sick, unsure if the break was because of Whizzer's emotions or because speaking so long took too much energy. "But they're not going to find it fast enough," Whizzer finished. His voice was steady but filled with grief. 

"You can't just…give up! You have to keep fighting or–" Jason's voice broke as his eyes filled with tears.

"Jason, buddy–" Marvin started to reach out to him but Jason cut him off.

"No! Stop!" He wrenched himself away and took a few steps back. "There...there has to be something …" he looked desperately at Whizzer, not wanting to believe that what he'd said was true, even as that horrible feeling in his stomach told him it was. He thought of the way Whizzer seemed to shrink more every time Jason saw him and the sad, scared glances the adults shared when they didn't think Jason or Whizzer could see. He looked at Whizzer then, who was watching him with a helpless but steady expression. 

"Jason," he said softly, "I'm sorry."

"But–" Jason looked to Marvin and was shocked to see him crying quietly. Jason could only remember a couple of times in his entire life when he'd seen his dad even come close to crying. 

Whizzer was really dying.

" But I don't want you to die," Jason croaked as his eyes began to burn, like protesting might do something, might change the way the world liked to crush out every bit of light it could.

"Me neither," Whizzer whispered and the room swam in Jason's vision as tears filled his eyes. Whizzer held out his arms and Jason all but ran into them, not remembering until it was too late that he wasn't supposed to jostle the bed. 

"I'm sorry–" he gasped out as he clutched Whizzer's sharp and boney form tightly. Whizzer felt frail. He used to be so strong and athletic- like nothing could ever take him down. Jason wondered how he couldn't have understood what was happening sooner. Maybe he had seen it on some level, like Whizzer said he did, but he hadn't let himself know it.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Jason." 

Another pair of arms wrapped around them both as Marvin came to sit on the bed too. They sat there and held each other for a long few minutes, Jason crying harshly into Whizzer's robe and Whizzer rubbing soft comforting circles into his back while Marvin did the same to him. 

"Shh," Whizzer whispered, "It's going to be okay, Jason."

"No it's not," Jason protested as he pulled away, wiping at his eyes. "Nothing is ever going to be okay if you die, Whizzer."

Whizzer smiled weakly, although his eyes were red-rimmed and swollen. "Thank you, Jason. But I promise you, they will be. Eventually. Losing someone who you love….it sucks. Majorly." Marvin's hand tightened over Whizzer's. "And it feels like nothing is ever going to be okay again. But it will. Slowly, things start to get better and then one day you'll feel sorta alright, even if it's just for a few minutes. And then once you feel okay for just a little bit, it gets easier to feel okay for a little longer. You never really stop being sad that someone died, but you can move on and be happy in life without them. That's what I want you to do, Jason." 

"Why do you sound like _Mendel_?" For a moment Jason forgot what they were talking about, his face screwed up in confusion and mild disturbance at the oddness of Whizzer's sudden apparent change in personality. 

Whizzer laughed roughly, blushing. "I might have asked him for advice on how to tell you. Figured a psychiatrist ought to know how to help people handle grief. I don't want you to be in pain, Jason. I want you to move on and be happy."

"But, don't you want me to miss you?" 

Whizzer laughed."I should hope you would," he winked. " I would miss you too if you left. So unbelievably much. But I don't want you to be sad forever, okay? I want you to play baseball or chess or whatever it is you want to do and have fun. I want you to go to school and annoy your teachers with how you can an A on every test without doing any of the homework. I want you to have friends and fall in love and have a long happy life, Jason. And I want you to have your bar mitzvah." He smoothed Jason's curls away as he spoke, lifting Jason's chin to look him in the eye as he smiled gently. 

"But you can't be there."

"I know. I wish I could be, Jason, I really do. But you're allowed to be happy without me. Me dying doesn't mean that you have to give up your life. Of course, that's all assuming that you actually _want_ a bar mitzvah. I know that there's been a lot of drama over the thing," Marvin winced but Whizzer ignored him, "–and if you really don't want a bar mitzvah then you don't have to have one. But I've seen you practising your Hebrew and I think that you do. The choice is really yours, Jason. Just make it based on what you want and not around me ok? If there is one thing I've learned, it's that you have to live your life for yourself."

Jason thought for a moment and was about to say that he didn't want any bar mitzvah without Whizzer and that _that_ was his decision for himself when the idea came to him. "I'm going to have my bar mitzvah," he told Whizzer. _And you're going to be there_ , he added silently. 

Whizzer grinned. "That's great, Jason! I'm really happy for you. And your mom is going to be thrilled." 

Marvin laughed wetly. "He's right about that much. And I'm proud of you too, Jason. You're really turning into a little man, bar mitzvah or not."

Jason smiled shyly before thinking of one last question, his expression falling. "How...how long before–?"

Marvin and Whizzer exchanged glances. Whizzer answered slowly, "We're not exactly sure. They have me on some medications but...they haven’t been working very well. But, we’re still trying. Right now, it’s important that I don’t get sick with anything else— " 

“Which is why you have to wash your hands before you come to see Whizzer,” Marvin interjected.

“Right,” Whizzer confirmed. “If I got sick with something else, my body wouldn't be able to fight it off, and then there would probably be less time. But if I stay healthy, or don't get any _less-healthy_ I guess, I could have more time. But either way,” Whizzer grimaced, “probably not a lot of time. I'm sorry we can't be more specific."

"So...like a few months?" 

Whizzer couldn't look at Marvin as he answered, "Probably weeks."

Jason's breath hitched but he didn't say anything, only nodded tightly. 

Marvin wiped at his face quickly. "I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner, Jason. I think we just wanted it to not be true too."

Jason nodded. "I knew you weren't getting better," he admitted quietly. "I just thought that maybe–"

"I know," Whizzer whispered. "Me too."

“Life isn’t fair,” Jason muttered. “It’s not fair—” he wiped away stay tears roughly. 

“No, it’s not,” Marvin agreed softly. He reached out and Jason allowed himself to be pulled into a hug, leaning into his father’s side. Marvin brought him close and buried his chin in Jason’s curls, holding him tightly. He and Whizzer held a silent conversation over Jason’s head.

_You ok?_

_As much as I can be. You?_

_As much as I can be._

Whizzer’s lips twitched before his expression fell again. _I think that that’s as much as we should offer for today. Jason doesn’t need anything more to be worried about._

_I agree. We don’t even really know if—_

Jason moved and the conversation was over for the moment. “Now what do we do?” Jason asked. And if that wasn’t the ultimate question.

“Do you have any more questions?” Whizzer asked, cautiously, glancing at Marvin. _It’s only fair to him._

Jason thought about it for a moment before he shook his head. “No. Not right now.” Whizzer and Marvin both relaxed in relief. “But,” Jason added, “you will tell me now if something changes. Right?”

“Of course,” Whizzer told him. 

Jason nodded, his shoulders slumped. “I’m tired,” he muttered. 

“Me too, kid.” Whizzer was pretty much always tired, to be honest, but that conversation had taken it out of him too. 

“Me too,” Marvin added. 

“Want to watch some crappy tv?” Whizzer offered. There wasn’t much else to do in his hospital room.

“Sure,” Jason smiled slightly, his eyes still watery.

When Whizzer had first been admitted, they had only watched the truly terrible daytime soap operas to fill the silence, and because there was nothing else on. But after a few months of following the characters, they were all (privately) beginning to actually enjoy the absolute ridiculousness of it all, if only because it distracted from the horror of their own lives. 

“Come sit by me,” Whizzer scooted over and Jason curled up next to him, nestling closer than he would on a normal day, his pre-teenage embarrassment of showing affection to his parents forgotten. Whizzer tucked him under his boney arm. 

“Hey, make room for me,” Marvin protested gently, kicking off his shoes. Jason pressed closer to Whizzer and Marvin got in on his other side, sandwiching Jason between him and Whizzer. 

As Jessica Blake Fallon’s alter egos ran amok, Marvin glanced over to see that Whizzer and Jason had both fallen asleep, Jason’s head against Whizzer’s side, his face still streaked with tears. The only thing that distinguished Whizzer from a corpse was the soft rise and fall of his chest and Marvin held on to that, an infinite fear held between each inhale and exhale. Lately, it has seemed that every time Whizzer when to sleep, Marvin was left awake to pray to the god he wasn't sure he even believed in that his lover would wake up again. But the terrible sleep was also the only time in which Whizzer’s face relaxed and he didn’t seem to be in pain. It was a terrible dichotomy and Marvin had found that it had become almost impossible for him to rest at the same time as Whizzer, preferring to sit and watch him breathe. 

"You did good," he whispered to Whizzer, so softly it was barely audible. "Way better than _Mendel_ would have done." The fact that they had used some of his advice didn't matter. Whizzer had done most of it on his own, and even with the parts that he had taken almost directly from Mendel's script, Whizzer was the better person deliver the message because sometimes it was the way that something was said that mattered. Whizzer tended to be more direct than Mendel. It was actually one of the things that he and Jason had in common, and it was the first thing about Whizzer that had broken through Jason's initial dislike of him for "causing" the divorce. Jason appreciated someone telling him the simple truth, as painful as it might be. If it had been Mendel, he would have talked around the issue in circles for at least a half an hour before getting to the point. Jason would have hated it.

Marvin thought of the way that Whizzer would roll his eyes to hear him disparage his ex-psychiatrist if he was awake. In real life, Whizzer didn't bat an eye. He slept on, completely unaware of the world around him, but with one arm still wrapped protectively around Jason; as if he would be able to shield him from the monster that was always lurking beneath, behind, around, _inside_ Whizzer's hospital bed. He thought about how Whizzer, despite all of his railings against the family structure and the faults of monogamy, had become Jason's third father. Or second really, he knew Jason before _Mendel_ after all. And now he was learning in the harshest possible way the lesson that all parents must– that no matter how hard you try or how much you love your child, you cannot protect them from the world, and that you won’t be there forever to even be able to try.

Bar mitzvahs were supposed to be symbolic. A celebration to mark the beginning of a boy's journey to adulthood. In some ways, Jason had begun that journey years ago. In others, he was still a sweet and innocent boy who believed that a miracle might be possible if he hoped enough that it would come true. In his sleep, he looked younger than he was, and had it not been for the signs of crying that still lingered on his face, he might have seemed like the unharmed and completely innocent child he'd been a few years before. Resting safely in Whizzer's arms, he let his guard down completely, and with the wit and sarcasm removed, he was just a little boy about to lose his father to a horrifying illness. It was beautifully terrible in the way that only life could be.

Marvin remembered with sickening clarity that all of this could happen again within the space of months, or even less if Charlotte's medical journals were to be believed. But then it would be Marvin in the bed and sans a lover to keep vigil. Nothing was known for certain yet, that at least was known for sure. But the chances of Marvin falling to the same terrifying death as Whizzer were high, and it was all too likely that Jason would lose two fathers before his fourteen birthday. The idea of the conversation where he would have to tell his son as much turned Marvin's stomach to lead and ice. Life just wasn't.

_Fucking._

Fair.

But there was nothing he could do to change that. Marvin was completely and totally helpless. All that he could do was stand beside his family while he was still able and do everything possible to love them. Even damn _Mendel,_ who for all his faults and immaturity, could actually get Jason to listen to him.

He would be a good only dad.

He would have to be.

And Marvin would have to set aside the last of his irrational resentment towards him. He had wasted too much time in selfishness already and his time to make up for all of that was running out all too quickly. 

The tv was still on, the days of those stupid fake people’s lives playing out in ludicrous drama and forced tears in ways that somehow could never be as dark and tortured as the heavy silent scene that stretched out in the hospital room around Marvin. But in his life, there were no cameras or microphones. The lights overhead were cheap fluorescents that Whizzer complained washed out his complexion, though there wasn't much of one left to ruin if you asked Marvin. When the time came and Whizzer's hands would go limp and lifeless, there would be no directors to yell cut. Whizzer wouldn't talk about his _character's journey_ and his future career plans to some trash magazine. He would just be dead. And the rest of the whole fucking world wouldn't give a goddamn shit because he was a queer who deserved what he got.

Marvin breathed slowly, raggedly. He closed his eyes and counted to ten, returning to the room. It wasn't that day yet. Today, Whizzer was alive, and the two most precious people in his world were safe as they could be, right in front of his eyes. On the tv, Jessica wailed about her mother and Marvin hit the remote roughly, cutting her off as the screen went black. Whizzer's mother hadn't done a thing, hadn't said one word, to protect her son when he'd been thrown out, bruised purple and crying at the age of sixteen. That was a real _fucking_ problem.

He knew that Whizzer would complain about having missed what happened, pretending to be sarcastic but maybe caring just a little bit for real, but Marvin couldn’t bear to watch for him. Instead, Marvin watched Whizzer and Jason breath and sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Whizzer is suffering from epidemic Kaposi sarcoma, which is a type of lymph node cancer that is associated with AIDS. It was one of the leading causes of AIDS-related deaths in 1981. To learn more about it visit here. 
> 
> I will leave it up you to decide if this is before or after Another Miracle of Judaism. I'm going back and forth on whether Jason would still cling to some hope after this conversation or not. I'm leaning towards no but I would love to hear your thoughts.
> 
> I was thinking about having them tell Jason that Marvin is most likely sick too, but I decided that that was too much for this fic and Jason wouldn't be able to handle all of that at once. So instead Marvin just thinks about it sadly at the end.  
> Sorry. 
> 
>   
> Also, for historical accuracy that no one would care about, I spent time researching soap operas that were on in 1981 so they're watching a real plotline of Days of Our Lives.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Any feedback is much appreciated because it's how we get better <3


End file.
